Weston Ochse is the author of twenty books, most recently SEAL Team 666 and its sequel Age of Blood, which the New York Post called 'required reading' and USA Today placed on their 'New and Notable Lists.' His first novel, Scarecrow Gods, won the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in First Novel and his short fiction has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize. His work has appeared in comic books, and magazines such as Cemetery Dance and Soldier of Fortune. He lives in the Arizona desert within rock throwing distance of Mexico. He is a military veteran with 29 years of military service and currently returned from a deployment to Afghanistan. Please contact him through this site.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Don't Call Me Hon...

unless you're my wife or my mother.

Do you really think I'll give you a larger tip if you call me hon?

If I buy something and you take my money, I am not your hon. I am a customer. Sir would be nice, especially if I just dropped a Benjamin.
Random picture: Me and Mike Casto

Is it a coping mechanism? Is this how you enable yourself to interact with the universe? Instead of treating a customer as a sir or a man you relegate them to a more informal status. But we just met? Maybe I don't want to be informal with you. Maybe I want to keep our relationship formal. Maybe I want to be the customer and you can pretend to be the employee. Maybe I want to be shown a little respect for dropping money at your place of work. Maybe I don't want someone to think you're my Amazonian love slave I've been keeping on the side.

Do you realize that you've lessened the value of the word Hon - Honey?

Do you have son? Daughter? Husband? Do you call them hon, too? After calling dozens, maybe hundreds of strangers hon throughout the day, do you think the value of hon might be lessened? After all, if you're going to call a stranger hon, then how much love and endearment can it really be worth? You might as well call your kid door or cake or shrub for all the value you've imbued in it.

In the past week I've been called hon a dozen times. Once at a high-end men's clothier, after spending 100+ dollars the cashier called me hon. I called her on it. She laughed self-consciously and said that the management said she shouldn't say it either, but that she'd been a waitress for so many years, she couldn't help it. I told her this is not a Waffle House and when I spend this much  money on something I want to be called sir.

Don't call me hon...

unless you are pouring my coffee, you're wearing and apron, and you know the difference between over easy and sunny-side up.

Don't call me hon unless you are serving me breakfast.

Or of you're my wife.

Or my mother.

Why not just call me sir and be done with it?

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